FOR LAUGHS: The Nyagenkeans’ position on Free Food!

FOR LAUGHS: The Nyagenkeans’ position on Free Food!

REFLECTIONS: I am sure that you are not hearing about the Nyagenkeans for the first time but get it from me that it may take you a lifetime to understand us fully.

You also have the option of joining our premier and state of the art Nyagenke Global University where we offer Studies on the Nyagenkeans at bachelors level.

As the spokesman of the autonomous metropolis of Nyagenke, I should let you know that curriculum for Masters and PhD training on this critical area are being developed and commendable progress has been made.

As Nyagenke’s Ambassador at Large, I can therefore authoritatively say that being a Nyagenkean is a lifestyle that has been envied over time.

For starters, Nyagenke is strategically placed in Bosamaro and we subscribe to the ideals and aspirations of our forefathers never to succumb to setbacks that come with life.

We, the Nyagenkeans, believe in the philosophy of not only working hard but smart too, for as our ancestors said before they went to the other world to plant and weed potatoes and tobacco, “mother nothing died long time ago (ngi’na bosa inkare akwete).”🏃🏾‍♂️

I am simply saying that we the Nyagenkeans and by extension the Bosamarons are the proud permanent and pensionable champions when it comes to the game of flattening mountains also called ugali from plates.

We take gigantic steps with heads high when we get introduced introduce ourselves in high profile meetings across the globe.

It is universally known and accepted that the Nyagenkeans deserve the global recognition because they worked for it.

Indeed, it is chronicled that as much as the Nyagenkeans are inseparable with food, they work for it.

A Nyagenkean who has just demolished ugali the size of a brick and poured burning tea over it for them to mix in the stomach will take a jembe immediately and dig like a tractor, and plant more food for future demolishing.

I should add that this spirit of working hard in the shamba was reinforced by our forefathers who said that it was an abomination if a bird mistook you for a tree in the shamba and stood on your head as a result of your laziness.

Someone is reading this article and wondering what this Nyagenkean is saying.

The message there above was to ground you to the fact that even when the stomachs of the Nyagenkeans yawn and make noise of emptiness, they don’t ever take free food dangled above their heads by neighbors, fake and genuine philanthropists.

For the Nyagenkeans, a person who arrives in a village in a convoy of cars which have big backsides and drink petrol as if we have petrol boreholes, alongside trucks with 24 legs to distribute food bearing his names is treated with a pinch of salt.

It is a policy here that the only Nyagenkean that can take free food is that who cannot get his own.

It therefore goes without saying that a malicious person cannot find his way to Nyagenke Sports Gymnasium if he calls a meeting there and arrives with bogus food and tens of people from meat wrappers and talking boxes, whose business will be telling the world that the Nyagenkeans are keeping stomachs they cannot fill.

Most importantly, let the world know that we became autonomous after we stopped being given fish and were given the skills to fish for ourselves.

It is this upbringing that has kept our heads above any adversity and made politicians shy away from mixing food with poison for reasons well known for themselves.

I don’t want to eat words like a donkey but I am saying, almost six decades after the red person with a long nose left Kinya, Kinyans don’t need to be given fish when they can fish for themselves.

Give them the enabling environment to do so and you will see their stomachs bulging.

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Mr. Araka is the pioneer reporter and editor at The Scholar. His satirical segment, The Idler's Corner is very popular with our readers. He is also a published novelist and biographer.


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