SATIRE: Why Contact Tracing is Traced to Nyagenke

👇For laughs where possible 👇

It is a fact that the Nyagenkeans should have been the first people in Kinya and Afurika to stage a beauty pageant.

At the time, today’s revered technopolis of Nyagenke was only known for a few things.

On top of the list of the a few things that Nyagenke was known of was its high concentration of tibiim and tiarara looking beauties.

This is why we didn’t want to confuse the judges because beauties in the calibre of Nyagenke’s had not been seen anywhere else.

Traditionally located at the hinterland of the larger Abasamaro clan, Nyagenke’s colour photocopies of wife materials became the first ambassadors of Nyagenke.

It is here where the first son-in-law was ever caned after news reached Nyagenke Council of Elders that he made an attempt to confuse our daughter for a slave.

When the council regurgitated the news, they concluded that ‘in-laws are of walking sticks.’

A majority of those who became recipients of the sticks hailed from the larger Aba-bricks community.

Despite the fact that Aba-bricks acquired the name because they were the first ones to discover that you can convert soil to bricks, they were not keen to build brick walls.

This is despite the fact that our daughters were good at listening to their good for nothing narratives to thr effect that they were their lost and found ribs.

The photocopies of Adam from Aba-bricks either peeped through or over the fence to beckon the Nyagenke versions of Eve.

From here, they reduced geographical distance and stood body to body with ‘uta-do?’ attitude.

We discovered that enclosing our daughters as if they were zero grazing cows was bringing us more calves in the name of grandchildren whose fathers vanished into thin air.

When this matter found its way into the agendas of Nyagenke Council of Elders’ annual general meeting, a solution had to be found.

It was decided and directed that talking with Nyagenke’s daughters through the fence could cost you your leg at the very least.

A man worth his salt was required to come straight into the compound and declare that he has come to see so and so and why.

It was also resolved that every homestead must have a visitor’s book for such guys to enter their contact details and draw a map of their home.

We knew these details would come in handy just incase one made a hill to grow on the front side of the female versions of the Nyagenkeans.

We could easily contact trace and reduce the social distance with the suspect, then make him understand why donkeys don’t have horns.

If you heard about contact tracing for the first time during the Covid-19 Pandemic, then for sure you are not a Nyagenkean. 🏃🏾‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️


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Mr. Araka is the pioneer reporter and editor at The Scholar. His satirical segment, The Idler's Corner is very popular with our readers. He is also a published novelist and biographer.


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