SATIRE: Why Nyagenke’s Chronicler-in-Chief is Troubled this Morning

It happened so fast!

Nyagenke’s celebrated chronicler was taking a leisurely walk on a path that adjoins the busy Nyankarangania- Gesabakwa Super Highway.

No sooner had he killed the last bend and seen Esamba Interchange towards which he was narrowing geographical distance than sad news happened.

Man X was walking on the side of the road and he had a brand new mattress on the left shoulder.

The weight of the blue 6 by 4 stadium was taking a toll on his scrawny body.

The eyes of Nyagenke’s chronicler were wide open as expected of an average eyewitness in Kinya.

Coincidentally at Esamba Interchange, Man X changed the load on his left shoulder to the right.

The Chronicler-in-Chief could tell at once that the man was too excited to worry about the weight of the stadium.

In any case, he was narrowing his geographical distance homewards and could later narrow social distancing with sleep on the same stadium.

Someone riding a motorbike at a supersonic speed suddenly hit Man X and threw him into confusion relative to that of a cow stung by a tsetse fly.

The eyes of the Chronicler-in-Chief were wide open but they did not see how the hands of Man X disengaged the mattress.

What the eyes saw was Man X fleeing right ahead and his mattress rolling after him while its polythene cover flapped the wind.

This was not news.

News happened when the eyes of the Chronicler-in-Chief saw the pikipiki rider hotly pursuing Man X and his mattress.

People were now screaming, “Motige! (leave him!)”

As he overtook Man X , Soita threw a kick that narrowed its social distancing with Man X.

In a split of second, Man X fell in a ditch, his back first!

“Mobwate! (Get hold of him!),” fellow Nyagenkeans screamed.

They wanted Soita to be held so that they could vent their rage on him.

It was clear that the Chronicler-in-Chief was about to witness at least two deaths.

The number of human beings baying for Soita’s blood was now fast increasing at the crime scene.

He drew a long knife from under his many jackets and the angry mob scampered.

Suddenly, Kegwarembe dived in the air and punched Soita.

Not everyone who had eyes saw how Soita fell backwards like a stone.

He had joined the angels for a dance!

You can also read IDLER’S CORNER: The Untold Story

IDLER’S CORNER: Nitoboe Nisitoboe?

Women intensified their screaming and one would be forgiven to think that they individually gave birth to either Man X and his killer, Soita, or both.

Just then, Nyagenke’s Chronicler-in-Chief discovered that he had been dreaming!

Presently, Nyagenke’s Chronicler-in-Chief is placing calls.

He is looking for dream interpreters of Belshaza and Nebuchadnezzar’s time to help him break and understand the dream.

Otherwise, so far the dream is useless and a waste of one’s head.

Any leads to a dream interpreter near you?

A handsome commission awaits you ukulie, as fellow Kinyans say.🏃🏾‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️

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Mr. Araka is the pioneer reporter and editor at The Scholar. His satirical segment, The Idler's Corner is very popular with our readers. He is also a published novelist and biographer.


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